Wednesday, August 1, 2012

37 Weeks

*****Full Term*****

37 Weeks
Baby Size: As long as a stalk of swiss chard (19")
Symptoms: Braxton Hicks Contractions
Cravings: Water and veggies

We are now down to the wire.  It is crazy to think that we are 21 days away from the due date and the baby really could come at any time now. I had a Dr. appointment this week and it was a little disappointing.  I was really excited for this appointment because I was going to have my cervix checked and I was really looking forward to finding out if there was any progress.  I was in the exam room waiting for the Dr. for about 15 minutes.  During this time my mind started to wander and I started to feel an anxiety attack coming on.  I tried to get control before the Dr. came in but it wasn't looking good.  She came in and said that my stats look good and that we were going to do a bacteria swab and then check my cervix. I now wasn't feeling well from the anxiety and reluctantly laid back for the exam.  She did the swab and it hurt but was fine.  She must have seen me flinch because she then said, "if you thought that hurt you're gonna be surprised".  At that point I got mad and uncomfortable and the anxiety took over.  I said to her that I needed a minute and she proceeded to stand there waiting.  I knew that I couldn't relax at this point and asked if we could postpone the exam.  The Dr. was fine postponing because I haven't had any contractions.  However, at this point the anxiety was so bad that I almost fainted on the table.  I was sweating, nauseous, and dizzy. On her way out the door to get the nurse the Dr. said, "I think it's pretty clear that you need to consider an epidural".   Now I was not only about to faint, I was so upset.  I have been working so hard to keep negativity out of my mind and she shoved it right in there. I really felt betrayed.  Like I have said before, I am not opposed to an epidural but to be told I "can't" do it was devastating to me. In that moment I felt like this Dr. is not on my side.  I have been relaxed and calm almost my entire pregnancy.  I had this moment of doubt and insecurity and I had no one in there to back me up.  I think a lot of women have experiences with doctors that are frustrating.  At this point in my pregnancy I'm not sure what to do.  I have requested a midwife at the hospital, so hopefully that will be what I need.  I guess poor Brian will have to be extra supportive :)

On a happier note, I started having some contractions last night.  I'm assuming they are Braxton Hicks because they stopped after about 2 hours but they were definitely contractions.  I abruptly woke up at 4am to some cramping type feeling and my stomach tightening.  It would last about a minute and was coming sporadically.  I couldn't really time them so I knew they were probably false labor.  I was excited though because my body is getting ready. I did start to have a bit of anxiety because the false labor made me realize all the stuff I still need to do!   I spent the two hours of false labor practicing relaxation and meditation.  I also downloaded a soundscape CD for the hospital room. 

I also packed my hospital bag this week. I think I will do a separate post to show everything that I have in the bag but it is nice to have it out of the way.  The bag includes stuff for me, Brian, and Baby Yoast.   I feel much more at ease now that we can just grab it and go whenever the time comes.  One less thing to worry about.  We also registered at the hospital, filled out the birth certificate (mostly), turned in disability paperwork and bought our changing pad for the dresser.  Now we just need to figure out a name. Yikes! Suggestions?? I feel that I am really close to being ready (well not mentally) and can't believe how fast the time went.  The best part about this is that we get to meet our little Baby Yoast in less than a month!!!!

1 comment:

  1. There are five midwives that work under the Dr. I was seeing and two of them made comments to me that expressed their doubts that I'd be able to have a vaginal birth this time around. It made me so upset and I found myself hoping that neither of them would be the midwife on call when I went into labor. Unfortunately one of them was my midwife the day I had Lucy, but luckily everything still turned out in the end. I don't know if this will be helpful to you at all, but in the days before Lucy was born I realized I was so stressed out about whether or not my birth was going to go as I was hoping that it was really affecting me. So, I finally just let myself think through the worst possible scenario... that I'd push for hours upon hours and then still end up with a c-section (like what happened with Hugh). And, honestly once I sort of accepted that scenario as a possibility, I was able to release a lot of the fears and stress that had been building up. Then, when labor came I was able to really focus all my energy toward positive thoughts - that I could do it, that my body was capable of giving birth, that I could relax through the contractions, that all my preparation would help get me through labor and I'd have a successful vbac. Anyway, like I said, maybe that won't be helpful to you, but I thought I'd share it just in case. Another thing... the more I communicated to my OB and the midwives what I wanted from my birth experience and the more determination I showed, the more they showed their support and willingness to help me get what I wanted. So, be vocal about how they can help and what you need from them. Next time your dr. makes some comment about you getting an epidural, let her know that she isn't be helpful. You can do this, Tara!!